Mine, whether you will it or not...
It feels like yesterday that I first met Matt. I know in my head that it wasn't; but really in my heart I'm sure it was. If not yesterday than just a little while ago.
Certainly NOT 16 years ago. How is that possible?
"How do the days go so slowly and the years so quickly?"
I actually loved Matt right away. For as long as I live I will recall this time. I didn't admit this to him mostly because I was scared. I felt and still feel that he was out of my league. (Now I'm not one of those people who needs to be complimented and told this isn't true. If you know me, you know that about me. Mostly I'm overly self-confident and probably most often obnoxious. BUT I do know my limitations.) Because of this, my defense mechanism was to not let him know how much I needed him. It seemed I could not posses his soul without loosing mine. I learned that indeed this was true but not something I had to fear; but rather embrace.
Over time I began to feel more comfortable with "us" but still I'll catch myself out the blue feeling overwhelmed and insecure. This is a very strange reaction for me because…
We are perfect together. What I lack; he makes up. It is almost eerie. When I am angry; he is calm. When I am sad; he is my happiness. When I am weak; he is strong. When I am naïve; he is mature. When I am headstrong; he is patient. When I am harsh; he is kind. When I am insane; he is rational. When I am cruel; he is loving. The list goes on and on. Without him; I could not be complete. He is my courage, as he is often my conscience. He is my heart; and alone, I cannot be whole.
There is something about the way my body fits with his. The way my head tilts to the right and then lays on his shoulder. I was made for him. The way my lips tingle before his reach me. The feel of my skin against his. The chill that goes up my spine when I see him across the room. Even now, 14 years later, I cannot control this physical reaction I have to him. As long as my body lives and his; we are one flesh. When my body shall cease; my soul will still be his. I swear by my hope of all things eternal; I will not be parted from him.
"Da mi basia mille." "Dien mille altera."
Give me a thousand kisses and then a thousand more.
Intellectually I react, as well. Again if you know me, you know I can't stand stupid people. Matt is one of the few people I know that I think could probably out wit me. He has the rare combination of academic intellect and common sense. One does not over ride the other. I am in awe of the things he can complete.
There is no one else in the world who can make me as angry as Matt can. There is no one else in the world who will ever understand me like he does. There is no one who has seen me at my worst and my best; and loved me still.
There is no one else in this world.
"'Whither thou goest,'" I said. "'I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest..., will I die, and there will I be buried.'"
Mine alone, now and forever. Mine, whether ye will it or not.
* wrote this several years ago...it's recycle time...
It feels like yesterday that I first met Matt. I know in my head that it wasn't; but really in my heart I'm sure it was. If not yesterday than just a little while ago.
Certainly NOT 16 years ago. How is that possible?
"How do the days go so slowly and the years so quickly?"
I actually loved Matt right away. For as long as I live I will recall this time. I didn't admit this to him mostly because I was scared. I felt and still feel that he was out of my league. (Now I'm not one of those people who needs to be complimented and told this isn't true. If you know me, you know that about me. Mostly I'm overly self-confident and probably most often obnoxious. BUT I do know my limitations.) Because of this, my defense mechanism was to not let him know how much I needed him. It seemed I could not posses his soul without loosing mine. I learned that indeed this was true but not something I had to fear; but rather embrace.
Over time I began to feel more comfortable with "us" but still I'll catch myself out the blue feeling overwhelmed and insecure. This is a very strange reaction for me because…
We are perfect together. What I lack; he makes up. It is almost eerie. When I am angry; he is calm. When I am sad; he is my happiness. When I am weak; he is strong. When I am naïve; he is mature. When I am headstrong; he is patient. When I am harsh; he is kind. When I am insane; he is rational. When I am cruel; he is loving. The list goes on and on. Without him; I could not be complete. He is my courage, as he is often my conscience. He is my heart; and alone, I cannot be whole.
There is something about the way my body fits with his. The way my head tilts to the right and then lays on his shoulder. I was made for him. The way my lips tingle before his reach me. The feel of my skin against his. The chill that goes up my spine when I see him across the room. Even now, 14 years later, I cannot control this physical reaction I have to him. As long as my body lives and his; we are one flesh. When my body shall cease; my soul will still be his. I swear by my hope of all things eternal; I will not be parted from him.
"Da mi basia mille." "Dien mille altera."
Give me a thousand kisses and then a thousand more.
Intellectually I react, as well. Again if you know me, you know I can't stand stupid people. Matt is one of the few people I know that I think could probably out wit me. He has the rare combination of academic intellect and common sense. One does not over ride the other. I am in awe of the things he can complete.
There is no one else in the world who can make me as angry as Matt can. There is no one else in the world who will ever understand me like he does. There is no one who has seen me at my worst and my best; and loved me still.
There is no one else in this world.
"'Whither thou goest,'" I said. "'I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest..., will I die, and there will I be buried.'"
Mine alone, now and forever. Mine, whether ye will it or not.
* wrote this several years ago...it's recycle time...
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