Sugar Fasting and Anger Management Problems

Day 5 -

So - I've been really (probably unreasonably) irritated with how excited some people are when they first start a diet program.  Haley knows just how irritated.  I keep on complaining to her about this.  "life style changes" and all the motivational advice, blah blah blah.  Talk to me in 5 years - when you keep it off I say.  Because here is the thing, anyone can lose weight!  But, not everyone can keep it off.  I take life style change advice from someone very well - as long as they have proven they have actually made one.  *SIGH*

Here's the another thing about a sugar fast.  It makes me crabby. See above. Crabby is probably a bit of an understatement, but I love a lot of very devout Baptists and I want them to keep reading my blog.  Things just irritate me.  I want sugar.  I want to eat it and pretend like I don't care that my rear end is getting bigger and bigger.  Until I do care - and then it's too late.  I've already gained 30 pounds.

My son Allen has my personality.  He may look like a Dodge, but he is a Campbell through and through.  He has anger management issues.  SURPRISE!  I wonder where he gets that from.  So, we work with him, at him, around him.  I'm starting to see that I still need some work on this too.

Speaking of Allen, he had a great Q1 of high school.  His weighted GPA is over a 4.0 and his classes are tough.  Imagine my surprise when Matt explained to me, not very nicely, that when he recruited young engineers, he stripped their GPA.  An "A" is an "A" and all that crap.  He, not very patiently or  very nicely, explained to me that the universities do this too.  I flat out didn't believe him.  Wouldn't they WANT kids to take challenging classes?  Shouldn't it mean something when a 9th grade student is taking a college level class and getting a 89 in it?  I basically acted like my husband was an idiot.

Then

Google

Yup, it's true folks.  Getting into a good university is ridiculously hard.  Sure they want you to take AP classes.  They just don't want them weighted.  In addition, don't bother trying to pad your GPA, they are going to strip the electives anyway.

I need to go to sleep but instead I am going through withdrawal.  I hope this whole thing is worth it.

Love Forever,

Barb

Sugar Fast Day 3

So far it's been a rough day.

I have a lot on my plate right now and my knee jerk reaction is to eat carby sugary stuff.  To be 100% honest, I REALLY want to .  Who knows if I'll actually make it to morning without caving.

There is stuff in our lives that really needs to give soon.  very soon.  I know God has a plan but sometimes, I wonder if we somehow missed it.  That doesn't sound very trusting does it?  I'm part of this accountability grip and right now we are reading Hebrews.  One of the verses says to take God's promises and mix it with faith.  I'm having a really hard time adding believing right now, let alone mixing it all together.

I know the right words - but what if we were wrong?  What if we made the wrong choice?  There are so many decisions, looking back that I wonder that about.  That's tough.  Living in the past certainly isn't going to help my future.

Psalm 42:11: Why am I discouraged?  Why is my heart so sad?  I will put my hope in God!  I will praise him again…!

Anyway, there really isn't much more to say about this.  I want to have it recorded here, how I'm feeling.  The stress I am under, so when I go back and look at my food choices - I have some correlation.  Hopefully, they won't be bad ones.

I've completed my MFP diary for the day.  The you'd weigh xxx in 5 weeks makes me want to cry.

Sugar Fast Day 2: Halloween Deprivation

Day 2 of my sugar fast and it's Halloween.  This fact didn't escape me when I decided to do this.  I am a true chocolate addict.  Literally - ADDICT.  I will eat chocolate, if its here, until its gone.

So, I knew this season was going to be really difficult for me.  Usually, I make the big kids hide their candy in their room, so I won't eat it in the middle of the night.   I'll do that again this year.  I also only purchased non-chocolate candy.  The kinds I don't like.  That should help.  Raise your glass to proper prior planning.

Anyway - I figure if I can get through the next few days without eating up all the chocolate then I'm golden.  It will build my confidence and I'll be lighter.  If I can't - I haven't really lost anything.  I would have ate it anyway and I'm already up 30 pounds.

I woke up late and hungry this morning.  My alarm had somehow been set to PM and we, literally, woke up 5 minutes before we were supposed to leave.  Maggie was a trooper, thank goodness.  I walked in with her today to deliver her ghost pops.  Exciting things ahead for my little one.

I changed the battery in my scale and now I weigh an extra 5 pounds. Nice.

On a whim, I decided to pee on a stick that measures ketones today.  I'm not actively doing low carb, as I am eating fruits and vegetables and whole grains.  My body goes into ketosis pretty easily though, so I thought, what the heck?  Sure enough - dark purple.


I saw this video about moms today.  I was very nearly undone.  You have to watch it!  Just watch it!


Charlie Brown, the Great Pumpkin was on tonight.  We watched it after trick treating.  Fun Times! I love all the Charlie Brown shows and I'm glad my littles like it too.

See you on the flip side.

love,
Barb

Sugar Fast - Day 1 - It Was Fine

And so it begins.  I drank my coffee with half and half plus splenda.  It was fine.  I didn't feel deprived.  I fixed a green pepper omelet for breakfast.  I used real cheese.  That's right, REAL cheese.  I'm trying to focus on the positive here, peeps.

I was thinking that I would talk about my food choices on here, but I'm not going to .  I already use myfitnesspal to log everyday and frankly, I obsess enough as it.

Day 1 went fine.  That doesn't make me hopeful really.  Day 1 always goes fine.

I did manage to get a run in while Izzy was at cross country.  It was fine. The weather is perfect, much better than fine,  in South Carolina and the trails are beautiful right now.  I continue to be amazed at this place God created.

Maggie has a Halloween party tomorrow at school.  We made ghost banana pops.  They wanted us to bring fruit and so we did the best we could.  They turned out fine so cute.  I think I'm going to have to go back and re-set the eyes because they are really sliding around.  After the yogurt starts to freeze - i'll put them back in their proper place.  Maggie is always so excited whenever there is something special at school.  Actually - she is always so excited whenever there is school period.  She is extra excited when there is something special.

I saw an interesting video today about how the media shapes our expectation when it comes to beauty and the perfect size.  You can view it here:What We Do in 37 Seconds. I have literally watched this over and over.  What a mess we have made of expectations.  This is absolutely not fine.  I do not want my daughters to focus on unattainable physical expectations.  I don't want my sons to believe that girls should look like this.  Holy heck, I don't want to focus on unattainable physical expectations.

Right now, while I type, the house is pretty quiet.  Allen and Matt are not back from soccer just yet.  Isabell is finishing her homework and the littles are already tucked in.  There is a plethora of things I should be doing.  Toys are scattered here and there and the laundry is a mountain.  It will wait though.  It's Fine.  Tomorrow is a new day.

Love,
Barb

Sugar Fast: Tomorrow - It's Only a Day Away

I am feeling pretty desperate about my eating situation.  I have literally gained and lost the same 50(ish) pounds my entire adult life.  Well, probably longer than that.  I remember losing before my wedding and I married Matt when I was 3 days 20.

This last "loss" I PROMISED would be my last.  I'll never do this again, I proudly exclaimed to my friends.  This isn't a "diet" this is a LIFESTYLE change.  If I had a dollar for every time I hear someone, new to the dieting world, say that - I would be RICH!  There I was, saying it myself. I was so excited.  I felt so healthy.  I had cleaned up my diet and was running at least 25 miles a week.  I trained for my first half marathon and literally weighed 20 pounds less than I did on my wedding day.

Enter LIFE!  I've always loved food.  Always!  Even when I'm in control - I still love to eat.  When I'm stressed, sad, happy, excited, depressed, angry, calm - I'll use food to mitigate my feelings.  Obviously, not healthy but that's a story for another day.  2013 was a huge year for us.  For a lot of reasons.  And I used those reasons to eat.  We moved to South Carolina on February 1 of 2013 and I have gained 30 pounds.  Worse, I've lost all confidence in myself.  I'm completely out of control.  I worship the feelings that food bring me.  I can not get through one.single.day. without self-medicating with food.

I know this has to change.  HAS to.  I know it isn't healthy.  I don't want to die young, like my dad.  I don't want to dishonor God by abusing my body.  I don't want my husband to be forever married to the fat girl.  I don't want...but do I NOT want it enough to change for good?!  Sitting here, typing this I don't feel very hopeful.

So tomorrow begins my 7 day sugar fast.  I'll weigh myself and take a few measurements.  I'll write about how I did and how I feel about how I did.  Maybe there will be some winning with losing.


Love Forever,
Barb