Keep it Real

Beginning again and again and again

It feels like that is all I do.

Matt traveled from Wednesday - Friday this week.  I did not do well while he was gone.

I am desperate to stop eating junk. 

I just don't know how to make myself get back in the zone.

I don't have any junk food in the house.

Ask me if that stops me?

I am so piss poor bad at planning, that I have to go to the store every day for dinner food anyway.  So while I'm there (after eating clean all day long) I go right ahead and buy crap that I know I will binge on. 

I haven't weighed in 2 days. 

I promised myself I weigh every day.

It's gotten to the point where I'm even lying to myself.

I don't know why, but I'm going to try again today.

Here's hoping it goes better.

Best,
Barb

No Cheat March - March 1 (the eve of Day 1)

March 1, 2015

No Cheat March

I want to put a few thought down, mostly for myself.  I don't know if I will ever publish this but on the off chance that I actually follow through - I want to have a real start point.

In 2 years I have gained back every ounce I lost 3 years ago.  Meaning, I officially have to lose 50-60 pounds again.  I don't even want to think about the reasons and the psychology behind this craziness - but it is what it is.

Stats:
W: 38
Hips: 41.5
Thigh: 25.5
Arm 14.5
Bust: 38-39
Butt: 19 at pubic bone

Some pictures:


My goal look:



I know it won't be easy.  I have started and stopped so many times in the last 2 years.  I'm completely miserable an obsessing every minute about what I eat.  I either am binging and (controlled by food) or "dieting" (and controlled by food).  I know I need to go back to clean eating.  It worked well for me and I maintained it for several years.  There a lot of reasons I quit and the "quitting" was really slow.  I hope to do some posts later to get it all on "paper" and remind myself why I shouldn't go back there.

Day 2 - Clean(er) Eating

Still in the "honeymoon phase".  Day 1 and 2 are complete.  I've eaten clean and no binges.  I did wake up in the middle of the night last night and eat 2 cliff bars.  They are pretty high calorie, but overall good for me.  I'm not going to complain about it.  It could have been way worse.

Day 3 is always hard for me and I'm not looking forward to it.  Matt has a dinner tomorrow in Augusta and I know I'm going to be really stressed.  I have a full day with work and I'm also scheduled to be Maggie's lunch mom.

I'm loosly tracking on My Fitness Pal.  I gave up my 3 year logging in streak last week.  It really felt obsessive and it wasn't doing me a lick of good.  I'm basically keep track now, just so I can look back and see what worked and what didn't.  I'm using it to keep track of exercise too.  I did 5 on the treadmil today.

I HAVE to exercise first thing in the morning - or it just won't happen.  By the end of the day, I'm just tired and I won't do it.

Maggie starts soccer tomorrow.  We are busy people.  I wish there was something I could cut out.

Honestly, I'm stressed.  The business is stressful.  Teenagers are stressful.  Food is stressful.

Good night all.

Best,
Barb